


Out in the open

by Agin



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angry Sex, Emotionally Repressed, F/M, Infidelity, Jealousy, M/M, Public Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:54:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29938563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agin/pseuds/Agin
Summary: John, sprawled on his bed, doesn’t let his eyes stray from the ball he is throwing up and up and up against the ceiling. He flicks his wrist just so, catches the ball with minimal effort, flicks his wrist again. Relaxed and easy. Cool.“So, you gonna meet her again?” he asksJohn secretly wants something he can’t have (namely Rodney - in a decidedly none platonic way), and when their relationship changes from friendship to… something involving sex and a new kink John wasn’t aware of being even slightly interested in, John might have lost more than he won.Also, there is the not so trivial matter of Rodney still having a girlfriend or partner or whatever one would call it…
Relationships: Jennifer Keller/Rodney McKay, Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I can’t make any promises regarding the promptness of any updates. I might be fast in writing new chapters, but it can just as well take some time. Please be aware of that before starting to read.
> 
> Other than that, I hope you’ll enjoy the reading.
> 
> And… Your constructive, beautiful, nice, motivating (and so on) comments always make my day, and since I not always get around to answering, let me thank you in advance for any potential words. 😊

„And, hey“, Rodney continues ranting and continues walking up and down in John’s room. “If you haven’t already been tortured enough by this whole romantic movie nonsense, why not add some pathetic excuse for a story with completely ridiculous characters? I mean, _come on_. I am willing to admit that I might not be all that good with interpersonal dealings and stuff but… So much obvious pining from this one guy who wouldn’t even _try_ to get what he wanted? And the other guy was so oblivious that he didn’t noticed a thing? Really?” 

At that, Rodney pauses as if waiting for John to support his ranting with some sarcastic remark or something like that.

John, sprawled on his bed, doesn’t let his eyes stray from the ball he is throwing up and up and up against the ceiling. He flicks his wrist just so, catches the ball with minimal effort, flicks his wrist again. Relaxed and easy. Cool.

“So, you gonna meet her again?” he asks just as relaxed and easy.

And John can feel Rodney looking at him.

“Of course, I will. Have you _seen_ her? She is all kinds of hot! And I haven’t had sex in _ages_.”

“’Kay”, John says. “Cool.”

***

Rodney does go on a second date and on a third, and he does get laid, and he tells John all about it, and John almost gives himself a blue eye while bouncing the ball too hard.

***

“Why do you always call her ‘Keller’?” Rodney asks a few months later. He is still seeing her, but he has stopped giving John the salacious details and has started to get all soft around his eyes whenever he talks about her.

“That’s her name”, John says.

“As is ‘Jennifer’.”

John avoids answering by conveniently falling down a well. 

It hurts like a bitch and he’ll have to endure all kind of comments for, let’s say, the rest of his life – but hey, you can’t have it all.

***

Dr. Keller is always kind and friendly when treating John’s wounds. He might hate her for it.

***

There is yet another feast in yet another village, followed by an evening and maybe a night of celebrating their new alliance.

Everyone is happy and loose, and the woman sitting next to John has placed her hand on his thigh, has placed it very high up. Easily to see for anyone who’d look at them, because they are sitting on seat pads with no table in front of them. 

Rodney isn’t far away, relaxing on seat pads with Keller, all close and smiling and stuff.

John doesn’t stop the woman when she lets her fingers ghost over his crotch. Doesn’t stop her when she squeezes him through his trousers.

He isn’t normally this exhibitionistic, or _at all_. And Teyla, and Ronon, Elisabeth, Radek and Lorne are here as well, and Rodney is very definitely looking at John right now, and there is this buzzing sensation under John’s skin, and he pushes his hips up, against the woman’s touch.

She laughs. Free and unselfconscious. Not even slightly concerned about all those people around them.

A few other villagers are somewhat intimate, too. But there is only kissing and some harmless touching, as performing sexually explicit actions in public does not seem to be an ordinary and normal pastime, whatsoever.

“Let us be naughty”, the woman whispers in John’s ear. Without waiting for a response, she lifts herself up and sits down on John’s lap. Her ample skirts pool around them and hide John’s crotch from wandering eyes. But they won’t conceal the fact that the woman is sitting on him, and they won’t hide the movement of her hips.

Again, John doesn’t stop her, his mind fuzzy around the edges like a photograph with no depth of field, with just one sharp point. And maybe even this one point isn’t all that sharp to begin with. More like a blurry mess.

John leans slightly back, braces on his arms and buries his hands in the cool grass which is slightly damp and fresh and green – even if you can’t see this detail in the twilight of the rising night and the restless glinting and flickering of the bonfire. 

John tries to keep himself from checking if Rodney is still watching.

After some grinding, the woman lifts herself up again, puts her hands under the skirts and starts working on the clasp of John’s trousers. 

She doesn’t waste any time pulling him free, and her hand is sure and confident around his erection.

She doesn’t waste any time, either, before she sinks down onto him. Unerringly. And her wet pussy encloses him nicely.

John closes his eyes, mostly to shut the other people out, and let’s his head tip back because there is no way to fool anyone who is looking at them, and he presses is lips together against a moan because maybe he would like to fool _himself_.

And maybe he doesn’t want to be seen, to be noticed while, at the same time, he desperately wants it.

Let them all watch. 

With their mouth hanging open and their eyes big and blue and… Yeah. 

Even through the jumble of thoughts and emotions only just contained inside his body and his head… And despite his tendency to avoid and ignore certain things and realities, John knows that by _‘them’_ he really means _‘Rodney’_.

Let them watch.

And suddenly, John realizes that he is kind of angry. Probably has been for quite some time now.

This anger isn’t touching the woman who in turn is touching John. Who is moving on him and around him, but not necessarily _for_ him. 

Their points of contact are carnal. More real than anything with Rodney. More real than secret fantasies and barely realized wishes and all that stuff John normally won’t even think about.

And he closes his hands around the woman’s hips, just puts them there without actually holding on.

He doesn’t even know her name. It never came up. He never asked.

Should he have done so? _He_ didn’t come on to her. It was all her taking what she wants and him going with it. But he can’t complain, can he now?

She does feel really fucking - yes, _fucking_ \- good around him, and if he continues moving like this, he is going to come. Right here. Surrounded by villagers and his team, his friends, his colleagues, Rodney. He is going to come inside of this woman.

“You do not have to hold it back.” The woman has brought her head closer to his, and her words are spoken against his skin. “There is no reason to worry about putting your seed inside of me. I am strict with taking my herbs and will not receive.” She rolls her hips in a slow and wide circle, grinding down onto him and taking him deeper, still.

“What is your name?” John hears himself asking. And why does he do this? Why right now?

She chuckles, doesn’t take offence because of his timing, his former and maybe ongoing lack of interested.

“Lireth”, she says.

After this night they probably won’t ever see each other again. This thing, or more like an act, between them is something for the present, not the future. Limited, yet at the same time free. 

_Uncomplicated._

A word John could never use in relation to Rodney. In some way, if he is being honest, would never _want_ to use. And isn’t this just great? Kind of masochistic?

John fastens his grip on Lireth’s hips. Then, he flips her, moves onto her, back into her. No pretence left.

She gives a delighted little laugh, puts her hands on his still clothed ass – because apart from his cock inside her pussy he isn’t naked, at least not in the physical meaning – and allows John to take her with sharp and almost punishing thrusts.

Let them all watch. 

He doesn’t care if they are shocked or interested or embarrassed for his sake or whatever. _Fuck them all._ Just not in the way he is fucking her.

And, yes, John’s anger might not be directed at Lireth, but now it _does_ touch her. But in a way that makes her moan against his neck and bite into his soft, vulnerable flesh and part her legs even further.

And the anger is directed at John himself. Some part of it, at least. Which, honestly, isn’t enough.

Because the whole… situation, not only encompassing this very moment but having stretched over the extend of days, weeks, months, isn’t Rodney’s fault. It’s all John and his inability to just forget, move on, get a grip on himself and let it be.

Yet, he feels the anger reaching out towards the man who is currently whispering into Keller’s ear, head turned away from John. Looking at her and not at him.

Looking away just like John should do.

He keeps watching Rodney, keeps fucking Lireth. Both acts feel somewhat distant, out of his control - whereby the latter is closer to his grasp, yet simultaneously reduced to a background noise even if John is _so close_ to orgasm.

Watching has turned into staring, and John sees Rodney’s hand on Keller’s thigh, sees him talk and stroke and lean close and closer, and sees Keller’s hand on Rodney’s. Not encouraging but stopping him. Leaning back and further back. 

John sees that they are in disagreement, knows he shouldn’t be happy about this. But he is. And he sees Keller getting up, Rodney reaching for her, pulling back when she does the same. Keller’s gaze finds John, her usual friendliness gone, and this moment is very, very definitely _not_ the one to reach orgasm. 

It happens anyway.

And while John shudders and bites his lip and holds back a desperate moan and tries to avoid being even more obvious, he realizes that Rodney is looking at him, as well. And… _Fuck._ That’s really _fucked up_.

John squeezes his eyes shut. But before he does, he sees Keller turn and walk away. And he sees that Rodney isn’t looking after her, at all, but still at John.

A last wave of pleasure rolls through John just to ebb away until there is nothing left but the racing of his heart and the darkness behind his eyelids.

John breathes.

Reality comes back, somehow crushing and creeping at the same time.

And John breathes.

With the pleasure and the rush of having sex gone, and with his cock softening inside the woman he just fucked in front of everyone, in front of his friends, his colleagues, their new trading partners… John feels kind of dirty.

Strange.

And… he needs to get away from here.

Right fucking _now_


	2. Chapter 2

Even after about an hour of being back – and definitely hiding – in the hut that had been allocated to John for the night, he still feels strange. Strange and kind of disconnected and still angry on some level, maybe, and were Rodney to…

…wrench open the door of the hut, almost tearing it down by the sound of it, and storm inside and point accusingly at John and say, “You… You…!”

…John would certainly stare at him with an ugly knot in his stomach and heat creeping in his cheeks and so many words lodged in his throat that he can’t even recognize one of them, and he certainly will not risk speaking, right now.

Words, especially many of them crammed into the impossibly extended length between one breath and the next, are more of a Rodney-thing, anyway.

“Do you even know her name?” Rodney says, and his finger still points accusingly, taps forward again and again as if to bore into John’s chest, yet tapping against nothing but air. “Never mind. I don’t care. What I _do_ care about is the fact that Jennifer threw me out of our hut. And it’s all _your_ fault!”

“Keller threw you out?” John speaks against his intention, experiencing a bit of a guilty and gratified thrill at Rodney’s words. And as it seems, his self-restraint has been quite absent for some time, now.

“No”, Rodney gripes. “Whatever gave you this idea? I just randomly decided to walk around in the dark instead of being at least somewhat safely _inside_ my hut, and do you even know what kind of creatures are creeping around on this planet, because I _don’t_ but there are surely at least one or two or, knowing my luck, quite a few who would see me as an ideal snack or have lemon-based acid or some such small details you’d find insanely funny but which could kill me. So, yeah, thanks. I just _loved_ to be outside. Instead of using those blasted straw mats – and, really, who even thinks that mats _made of straw_ could be remotely comfortable to lie on – and making love to a beautiful woman. And all of that just because _you_ made a spectacle out of yourself, and suddenly _I_ can’t even touch my own damn girlfriend when anyone else is around.”

John translates this whole verbiage to, “She didn’t want to make out in public and is pissed because I did.” But even while he does so, his mind keeps stuck on _’making love’_ and _girlfriend’_ , and he says with too much venom in his voice, “And what are you doing here?”

Now, Rodney’s finger does hit John’s chest. Which means he is close enough to do so. Which, in turn, isn’t good. At all. But John will not back away.

“It’s all your fault!” Rodney repeats.

“I didn’t…”, John starts but he is interrupted by the tapping finger and Rodney’s voice that always seems to cut effortlessly though anything, and why is John even trying to justify himself? _Fuck Rodney._

“Oh, yes, you _did_. You went ahead and decided, ‘Hey, I am Commander Sheppard, I’m too cool to be touched by anything so why not fuck some woman in public?’.”

“Technically, I _was_ touched. Pretty good, for that matter”, John drawls. Because he knows this tone of voice will infuriate Rodney.

The tapping finger is bored into John’s chest. Two times. Then, Rodney gives him an actual shove, puts his palm on John and pushes. And John isn’t prepared for this. He actually stumbles backwards.

Rodney follows.

***

John’s heart is kind of racing. He thinks he might hit Rodney. Which is bad. Really. Yet –

***

They fight. With words.

And somehow, John isn’t even sure what they are fighting _about_ and how the situation could escalate like this; and why can’t he just keep his cool, put on the act of being an unflappable guy? He is quite used to doing this, after all.

But his unreasonable anger at Rodney for – let’s be honest – living his life and being happy with Keller blends with a fury about much more appropriate stuff like…

…What the hell does Rodney even _want_? 

_You had a fight with your damn girlfriend? Tough luck! Go and fight it out with her. And stop shouting at_ me _. I am not your scapegoat. So, fuck you._

“Fuck you!” John says out loud.

“Yes, fucking is just _your thing_ , isn’t it, Colonel?”

***

“So, is this about me having sex and you not getting any?” John says and watches Rodney inexplicably blanch and then turn red.

***

“Hey, if you want to get off that badly why don’t you just do it?” John says and feels _himself_ blanch and then turn red, and that’s unacceptable.

“ _You_ are the one who can’t keep it in his pants”, Rodney shoots back.

***

Time seems to fast forward, seems to skip over crucial moments. Or John’s mind might just bury them, lose them in one hazy moment followed by the next, and he forms words without really intending to, and Rodney answers, and… _God_

***

Rodney gives John another shove. They are still standing very close, and they are both breathing heavily. 

And Rodney is _actually_ going to… 

Is he? 

***

Rodney’s hands are at his own waistband. For a moment he seems frozen.

***

“You going to chicken out, McKay?” John taunts. The smirk that is perfect to infuriate one’s opponent is playing in the corners of John’s mouth as if it had developed a life of its own. 

He holds Rodney’s gaze, his whole skin tingling and sweat beading in the nape of his neck despite the cool air the night has brought with it. 

“I am just mindful of your tender heterosexual sensibilities”, Rodney says. He doesn’t look away from John when he opens the button of his own trousers and pulls down the zipper, the faint sound of those actions unnaturally loud in the small hut.

Or just in John’s head.

From the corner of his eye, he can see Rodney’s arms working. There is the urge to look down. And fear. Maybe. Because if John were to watch… watch Rodney open his trousers and pull out his cock… Everything would take on a whole new level of reality - but that’s just nonsense, because the situation _is_ real. 

There is a fire in Rodney’s eyes, John has never seen, before. And John wonders if it is directed at him or at… something else, or…

Rodney takes a step closer. Their chests are almost touching, now, and John is torn between moving backwards and forwards. Part of him wants to get to a safer distance, maybe even outside, out of the hut and into the night and just _away_. While, at the same time, he wants to shove his chest against Rodney’s. Not to feel him, but to make him feel. To make him hurt and stumble, and the blood is rushing in his ears, and why has John allowed the situation to get to _this_ point. 

Why has he _provoked_ it?

Rodney’s shoulder moves again, which means his arm is moving, his hand. Is he touching himself? Is he… Is he hard?

John still hasn’t moved a muscle.

This… Everything… Even if it is so fucking real, it’s equally _surreal_. Distant.

***

How did they even come to…?

***

John’s mind scrambles to put the last minutes back together into a sequence that could make sense, that doesn’t lack bits and parts and – 

His thoughts are kind of fragmented and hazy. Still hazy.

***

“Turn around”, Rodney says, and that definitely wasn’t agreed upon.

What exactly does Rodney want? 

Some illusion of privacy while… while _jerking off_? Right there, behind John’s back instead of in front of him? An idea which, for some reason, feels even more scandalous and thrilling and...

Or does Rodney want to…? No, surely –

***

Oh… _shit._

Without even noticing, John _has_ turned around, and Rodney puts his large hands on John’s hips, grips him with a punishing strength and tightness in the tips of his fingers that speaks of anger and maybe other strong emotions, but John isn’t in the right state of mind to think about any of that. 

Then, Rodney pushes up against him. 

And John’s knees almost buckle. Were he closer to the wall, he’d search for support there. But he is not, and, really, does he even _want_ to be boxed in, and –

_God._

_Shit, shit, shit._

John grunts, can’t help himself, and he is painfully, embarrassingly hard, and Rodney is pressed up against him, his erection blatantly obvious and so very much _there_. And John might be completely clothed but he knows that Rodney is not.

***

John regains his balance, but only just with regard to his footing. Everything else is – he doesn’t even know.

Neither John nor Rodney move, both of them frozen in a surreal moment, a breath of something. Until John hears himself repeat some former words, “You going to chicken out, McKay?”

And Rodney hisses into his ear, “Shut up”, and starts to rub his cock against John’s ass. 

The fact that John is fully clothed doesn’t make the act any less lewd but to some extent even moreso. 

***

Rodney comes pressed up against John.

***

After, time seems to speed up, again and jump over moments, and breaths, and movements that happen and those that could have happened.

It’s just like a huge build up and then – nothing.

Rodney leaves without a word. And John doesn’t watch him go, because he hasn’t turned around. 

The back of his trousers is wet and sticky, and when he puts a hand down his pants and pulls himself off with fast and furious strokes, he feels the fabric move against his skin.

***

They don’t talk for days. 

Rodney is still with Keller. By the looks of it, they are getting along fabulously, once more, and Rodney surely hasn’t told her about what happened between him and John.

John doesn’t care, except he _does_ , and he hates it. And what exactly _did_ even happen? As in: What the hell _was_ that?

There are no real words John could or would find and he’d very much prefer to just forget about the whole damn night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath…  
> This one is shorter than the previous chapters, but I am already working on the next one.

The mission John refuses to think about, took place over a week ago. Since then, he hasn’t left Atlantis because Elisabeth told him to invest some time in paperwork and other necessary tasks that tend to get ignored by him.

That’s her way of punishing him for his inappropriate behaviour. She didn’t need to point it out for him to know.

And John is starting to feel antsy and claustrophobic. Even worse than usual when he is cooped in, which might not surprise him in the least, but… Yeah.

He is just about ready to tear his hair out, or steal a jumper, or poke his head into some not yet discovered and potentially lethal parts of the city. The latter _is_ a valid option and something he has done before. Quite often, that is.

But never alone.

Usually, he’d go to Rodney, listen to him rant about danger and taking unnecessary risks and horrifying deaths lurking around the next corner, and then, they’d strike out together.

Now, John can’t go to Rodney. Couldn’t do it yesterday or the day before and so on.

He can’t grab lunch with him, can’t lean against a table, precariously close to some experiment and pester Rodney while the man works and ignores John, can’t pester Rodney until the man heaves a sigh and stops ignoring John, can’t meet him in the evening.

***

Thursday is their day. Has been for months, for over a year, now.

John and Rodney never talked about it, never agreed upon anything. It just happened, somehow.

Even when Rodney started to date Keller, he showed up at John’s room on Thursday – except there was yet another crisis, of course. And if he didn’t come, John tracked him down and pulled him out of whichever work he was engrossed in, and Rodney would never complain. Which was a miracle all in itself.

They would watch a movie or go on some balcony to drink beer or do something else, entirely. 

And if John were to be honest, he’d have to admit that he doesn’t care all that much _what_ they are doing. As long as they are doing it together, as long as Rodney makes time for _John_ and… 

_God._

That’s just pathetic.

***

It is Thursday.

And John waits, even if his throat constricts and his breath won’t come easily - just at the thought of spending time with Rodney.

John waits, even if he _doesn’t_ want to see Rodney. And he waits because he kind of _does_ want to… And he can’t seem to make up his mind and is on edge and bounces his ball against the ceiling and against the wall, and a few times, he doesn’t manage to catch it. Just fumbles stupidly around.

John waits out of habit.

And if Rodney would come by, today… Maybe they could finally get back to normal. Maybe, their friendship isn’t _that_ damaged…

***

Rodney doesn’t come by.

And John… He could go to the lab, could look for Rodney. 

Instead, he goes to the cafeteria. Part of him is strangely fearful of leaving his room, but overall, he just can’t stand being there, right now. He needs to _move_. To do something. To go somewhere.

When John enters the cafeteria, he realizes his mistake.

There is Rodney. Sitting at a table. With Keller. Some food in front of them.

Rodney scoops a huge portion into his mouth, chews, swallows and talks almost at the same time. His hands fly animatedly through the air, taking the spoon with them, and Keller has an indulgent little smile on her face, and a strand of hair is sticking out at the back of Rodney’s head as if –

John takes a breath.

He turns around and walks away. Even when he hears Teyla, who must have been in the room, as well, call after him. Even if her voice might have drawn Rodney’s attention to John’s presence.


End file.
